15
May

its just not my day…

ok well the day started off good but then i managed to spiral into chaos somewhere in the afternoon. the major issue being, i lost a hard drive. not lost as in i don’t know where it is.. but poof.. my hard drive is not working. its a backup drive where i store videos and some image files. it had almost every video of vincent ever taken, and i am really upset about that. i had backed up several of them but there were still a few from a recent camera purge on there… and now they are gone. well ok not totally gone, i am running a recovery program right now to try and save them all… hopefully the drive is not actually broken, i think it just corrupted its partition and that i can fix after i backup files. still its really not what i wanted to be doing tonight :( i know i know, it could be worse.. it could have been my main hard drive with the OS on it.. or my external… i’m still pretty bummed.

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13
May

my first official mother’s day

my day started off with a screaming baby who was wisked away swiftly by my loving husband type person. i got to sleep in till 11 when vincent was plopped down next to me for his first nap. and i promptly fell asleep right along with him, so i kinda got to sleep in till noon. then ben got in bed with us and he fell asleep but we were awake so i had to deal with vincent till about 1:30 when i plopped an upset and bored baby on ben and said “wake up!”

we decided to celebrate mother’s day with a day at the park, and a picnic. we went to walmart and got some cold sandwiches and salads from the deli area and headed to the park/playground in our town… only to find that a birthday party reserved the whole park for the day :/ so we went to the other park in the next town over which is about 20 minutes away and nicer. when we got there we set out our picnic, put vincent’s portible highchair on the table, and started eating, only to be hit with cold wind which promptly threw our food at us and sent the tupperware full of vincent’s cucumber spears down the parking lot. i was dumb and didn’t pack vincent a jacket because i THOUGHT it was warm.. it was sunny, clear, warm feeling, but once that wind hit you, it was like winter… so poor vincent got cold really fast. we did manage to put him in a swing and slide him down a couple of slides before we left. i was able to go down a slide which made me feel good because i was worried my butt would be too big for it. vincent seemed to like the swing but the wind was way too cold to let him stay in it.

then we went to walmart again where i got to pick out my mother’s day present. last year ben surprised me with a huge stuffed yoda, but this year he wasn’t sure what i would want so he let me pick something out of the toys section. because i am definitely still a kid inside even if i am a mom on the outside. i was very pleased to find that in the lego section they FINALLY had the world of warcraft megablocks set i have been lusting after since last year. the one with arthas and sindragosa. best present ever! i even decided to be a bad girl and open the box and put it together. i haven’t opened a toy i’ve purchased in YEARS, but i wanted to play with it lol. its now sitting on my computer desk on a shelf that i HOPE is out of vincent’s reach… unless he ends up being a monkey.

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4
May

its may

i’m sitting on the floor watching vincent play with a stuffed easter chick and a cardboard tube. its a nice quiet moment while ben watches netflix in the living room. may brings up bad memories that i am attempting to swat aside. yesterday marks 2 years since my mother suddenly passed away. i’ve felt pretty blank about it this year.. i don’t know why. last year i felt pretty sad, this year i cannot seem to put my emotions into words.

its been hard to put anything into words lately, i keep making blog posts and then deleting them half way though. i mentioned that on my last post. its kinda irritating me that i am closing up like this. its probably just the weather. its been a rollercoaster of hot and cold temps lately and that always screws with me.

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28
Apr

i watched doctor who before it was cool

since the last time i blogged i have tried to blog on 3 separate occasions but never got close to finishing an entry and then just closed the window.

vincent has been stressing us out. teething all over the place and generally miserable. plus not sleeping like he used to and we’re both exhausted. ben is still home from work with a hurt leg and that is adding to stress because we are running out of money.

yesterday we went to the social service office to try and get some help. something neither of us really wanted to do but at this point we are desperate. ben’s job has somehow lost his form about getting short term disability and was not taking it out of his check, of course we didn’t find this out until he needs it, and so he will receive nothing even though it was not his fault that it was lost. we were able to get foodstamps for may as well as some tanf to hopefully keep the lights on until he gets back to work. we are still waiting on the doc to say his leg is ok because he has to get in and out of a big truck so he doesn’t want hopping down off the ladder to cause the injury to worsen. we were also able to get ben on temp medicaid to take care of the co-pays his insurance leaves him so now he can afford to do the PT he needs to hopefully get his leg back in working order.

the title of this post was written while i was randomly catching up on doctor who via netflix. when i was a kid my parents used to watch the original doctor who tv show, mostly on vhs tapes sent to them by my uncle who would record it from some channel they had that showed it. i grew up mostly with the 4th and 5th doctor. now it seems like everyone around me is hooked on it and i am so behind. i started watching the first season when it originally came on, and got half way into the david tennent doctor and then quit (around the time he left rose on the beach). so recently i’ve picked it up again. i like it cause its still not very violent and gorey, so i can watch it with vincent around, unlike other shows i watch where i have to wait till he’s in bed.

not sure what else to blog about. back again when i have more to say.

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14
Apr

streeeessssss

i can’t really talk much about this because we are dealing with lawyers but ben had a fall, (not at work) and he is in a lot of pain. for the past couple of days i’ve been taking care of 2 babies instead of one and i am STRESSED OUT!

ben will be out of work for a few weeks and i have no idea how we are going to cope financially. hopefully though he will be able to get some kind of temporary disability because there is no way he can get in and out of a tractor trailer in his condition. he can barely get in and out of his own vehicle (a large dodge truck).

meanwhile my brother has once again proven he is unable to manage himself financially, and even though he said he was fine, and had the money to go to disney world for a week, he is now begging people on facebook for jobs and handouts. i honestly dunno what to do about him anymore. a part of me wants to help him, as he has been though so much crap recently, the other part of me thinks he needs to learn a lesson from this. i have tried to give advice but no one ever listens to me so really i’m just sitting here shrugging my shoulders.

i wrote this entry a couple of days ago and then set it aside because i have just been too busy to really finish it. OOPS! but i wanted to pick it up today because i did something i am proud of!

I DROVE!

i’ve had issues with anxiety attacks when trying to drive and sometimes even when riding passenger in a vehicle. but today i decided i would try, and i actually moved a truck from the driveway into its parking spot in the yard! i had to not only move forward but also back up! after i was done i started laughing, and then i started crying. the relief of knowing that i could do this just flooded me. i am still riding on the high of realization that I AM NOT BROKEN!!! even with all the stress going on in this house, i have managed to do something i would consider a major triumph. lets see if i can keep it up.

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6
Apr

adventures in backhoe…ing?

its only 10am and i have already been awake for about 4 hours. vincent decided it was time to get up about 6 am, much to the dismay of me and ben. thankfully he went back to sleep after he and ben watched a bit of myth busters, and i napped on the couch… ben stayed awake while i went back to bed with the baby for a couple more hours. he has a new toy to play with… we rented a backhoe for the week.

ben’s back yard has always had this huge pile of stuff sitting in it blocking up most of the yard. it was placed there when they cleared the land and should have been removed before the trailer was set down, but never was. we’ve tried burning it and using stuff like a weed eater and a chainsaw with no luck, so we’re just going to dig it all up and haul it away. so ben has been outside since first light, playing with the back hoe. this thing is going to be his whole world for the next three days. i hope he at least comes in to say hi once in a while.

the weather is nice today after randomly attacking us with snow and i hope it warms up a bit more so we can go out and sit and watch ben tear up the yard. its supposed to get really warm by tomorrow. hopefully it stays that way. my brain cannot handle these sudden shifts…

today is kinda boring…

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1
Apr

day 31 of 31 (a day friggin late!) self portrait and final thoughts

i’m kicking myself because i missed out on getting this blog in on the right day. but when ben is home i don’t spend much time at my computer so i can spend every second possible with him before he leaves for the road again. so this blog failed and now i get to post it on april fools day.

there is no selfie with this either, because my mother-in-law gave me the plague, and i look like an animated corpse right now. thankfully ben has been awesome as always, washed the dishes, and spent time with the kiddo while i passed out in the bed for a few more hours.

final thoughts? i enjoy these challenges because i suck at finding things to talk about each day. my daily routine as i posted earlier in the challenge is pretty boring and i can’t just write about the mundane task of waking up and changing diapers all day.

it did however also spark in me the want to blog more. i need to find more things to talk about because i do love blogging, i love spilling out the contents of my brain, i just need a bit of a push.

to those who have joined my readership during this challenge, welcome aboard! your comments are always welcome! i might not be the most consistent of bloggers, but i hope that my content is at least mostly interesting.

now i’m going to slip back into a bottle of orange juice until vincent needs a nap.

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30
Mar

day 30 of 31–your favourite ice cream flavour

good grief it would probably be better to ask what flavours i don’t like, since that list is shorter… but here’s my top 3 fave ice cream flavours

i love vanilla just for the fact that it is plain, and i can add all kinds of toppings to it. i have issues with adding certain toppings to certain flavours but vanilla can take anything!

i love pretty much anything ben and jerry’s makes. they have some amazing flavours and i have yet to dislike anything they put out.

i love butter pecan ice cream. it reminds me of my grandparents and when i was a kid. that was the ice cream they always had on hand and i loved it.

this whole blog post has made me want ice cream. but its only 11am… so i will be a good girl and wait till after dinner!

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29
Mar

day 29 of 31–favourite time of the year and why?

i’m torn with this one… i love summer, i love the warmth it brings and the chance to go to the beach or be outside without having to bundle up. i also love summer because my birthday (and now my son’s birthday) is in august.

BUT

i love october, because of halloween, and i love fall for the days where its not too hot, and not too cold, and the air smells so good from people starting up their wood stoves. since i live in the mountains, its also pretty amazing looking to see the mountains slowly turn orange and yellow from the trees changing colours.

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28
Mar

day 28 of 31 – what’s your guilty pleasure?

trash tv…

all that crap that comes on tlc and mtv? yeah i’m addicted to it. i hate it and yet i can’t stop watching! its a train wreck… it started when i was a teenager, i was hooked on jerry springer, these days i can’t get enough of honey boo boo or toddlers and tiaras. i like honey boo boo mostly cause i live in a little rural town, and if i didn’t already know they were in georgia i would swear they lived in the same town as me. in a way i hate that i watch these shows because i’m adding to its viewership and that makes networks want to produce more of this stuff instead of working on actual good tv shows… but i just can’t stop watching.

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