today is never a good day for me. it is a date etched into my memory thanks to painful loss. 5 years ago i awoke to a world covered in snow, usually a happy thing for me, but not this day. 5 years ago today i woke up to my mother sobbing, and people taking my father away on a stretcher for the last time. my dad hated snow, and the irony of his passing during a blizzard made me want to laugh, if i hadn’t been crying so hard.

there is nothing i can do, or tell myself, that ever makes this hurt go away. nothing dulls it, and in fact most things magnify it by multiples. i lost my strength and wisdom on this day. the person who guided me though life, showed me the right way to live, and was there when i needed someone the most. he was my hero, he was my friend, he was my father. i see him everywhere and it hurts that i cannot have him in this world with me anymore. i am pained with the fact that he will never get to meet my son, he will never get to walk me down the aisle.

xmas 06

like last year i didn’t really get a chance to take any photos during thanksgiving. i was really busy this year keeping vincent out of everything. last year we just kinda laid him down on things and he was fine, this year he was walking around and wanting to see everything!

a little bit of thanksgiving

dinner was great, and vincent loved it. his first time having turkey and stuffing! and we’ve finally got him to drink out of a sippy cup without spitting all the water back out (i have no idea what that was about, he nurses just fine but didn’t want to drink water?).

and now another holiday looms in the distance. i still have to get a tree up and take a picture for my digital cards… we were supposed to visit santa today but its sleeting so we’re going to skip it. i’ve got all vincent’s presents taken care of (a nabi jr. tablet, and some thomas stuff), and now i’m trying to figure out what ben wants. this process is kind of like trying to extract information from a war prisoner… not that i can really say anything, since i don’t know what i want for giftmas either…

i think winter time makes me lazy. all i want to do is huddle under blankets and do nothing.

my job has been doing well and i’m really excited to be employed again. i got my first paycheck last week and spent most of it, but it was spent on needed items, and vincent’s giftmas present. i got him a nabi jr. tablet! they were on sale during the walmart pre-black friday sale on the website so i decided to just go ahead and get it. vincent has a major fascination with my nook, and ben’s phone, and my ipod, and basically anything with a touch screen, so we both agreed that this would be a perfect toy for him. its pretty much vincent proof and we can use it to distract him at restaurants and while we wait for his doctor appointments. i can’t wait to get it and try it out!

i also got a little bit of frivolous money from my check, gave myself a little allowance and bought some world of warcraft time with it. also a cute tshirt from teefury that features cuthulu as the kool-aid man. its so weird to have spending money! i sat around wondering what the hell to buy for hours! i know i should have saved it for the black friday sale but i couldn’t think of anything i wanted that would be on sale during that and i don’t really want to go to the store that day.

thanksgiving is very soon and i have no idea what we are doing for it. ben’s side of the family is usually our host because i don’t really have anyone to visit during the holidays (my brother isn’t doing thanksgiving, and that’s all i have down here). his dad doesn’t know what he’s going to do that day and his mom hasn’t returned his call so i’m sitting here two days from thanksgiving wondering if i should get a turkey and try to cook it myself. hopefully someone else will host so i don’t have to try and make something like that! i am not ready for turkey.

saturday was my best friend’s kids’ birthday party. she somehow managed to time her kids to both be born in november, but a few years apart. so they have a double birthday party. this year it was at a bowling alley and that was quite an adventure for vincent. he enjoyed running around looking at the lights on the jukebox, the crane machine, and other arcade stuff around the area where the party was. he enjoyed some cake and a few cheese puffs. i don’t usually feed him junk food but it was a special occasion so he got to eat a little.

and i took a few pictures:

at my best friend's kids' birthday my best friend's kids' birthday my best friend's kids' birthday my best friend's kids' birthday party.

he went crazy with those balloons… glad they had a weight on them!

first week of november and i’ve already failed the blogging every day thing. oh well. i was having a hard time coming up with stuff to write about with the prompts provided anyway D: thanksgiving was never really a big deal in my family. lets just play catch up with life instead shall we?


our plans for halloween got a little messed up due to ben’s work schedule. his job decided at the last minute to tack on another stop before he could get home and he almost didn’t make it home in time for us to go trick or treating! thankfully as i was sitting here setting up alternative plans for transportation, he messaged to let me know he would be home in time. things ended up rushed and vincent refused to wear makeup (i was so looking forward to angry eyebrows too..) so he ended up being a “modern vampire in a suit” instead. he still ended up looking super cute. i tried to talk ben into wearing a costume but he didn’t like any of the last minute ideas i came up with, so he just wore his walken dead shirt (chris walken drawn to look like a zombie.)

halloween 2013halloween 2013halloween 2013halloween 2013halloween 2013

i have no idea what i am supposed to be. striped shirt, dress, skull face paint. i looked pretty awesome though. much nicer than last year’s fail costume.

halloween 2013halloween 2013halloween 2013

vincent got a pretty good candy haul for someone who isn’t old enough to really enjoy it. that’s ok.. his parents will make sure all that candy goes to a good home.. our bellies :p there was also some religious paraphernalia… i wish people would just let us have one damn holiday where they don’t force their religion on others. is that too much to ask? also thanks church lady who gave my 1 year old a baggy with beads in it… glad i got the bucket ahead of time…


i have no clue what i can really blog about regarding my new job, especially since my boss reads my blog (hi boss), and in fact found me because of my blog, but i will just say yay! i am employed! i am an administrative assistant and later on will also be a junior analyst for a website that helps tidy up backlinks for companies trying to fix their search engine scores. i am learning a ton about SEO and all that good stuff! very excited to have a job again, and especially one where i can sit on my butt and hang out with my son!

Other Random Things:

today is voting day and i’m going out in a bit to do my part. lots of people forget to vote during the years that have no presidential elections, but as a friend mentioned on facebook, every year is a primary, every person who gets voted in during these elections gets a change at a higher spot. so the people you vote for or against today have a chance at getting to be president someday. i gotta make sure a few people i dislike don’t get that chance. so i’m off to vote! i hope if you are in america and are eligible to vote, that you will as well.

i found a really awesome website for productivity called HabitRPG and i think i’m in love with it. i really think this will help me stay productive. i love checklists and this is a fun way to get things done while working towards goals and rewards!

another cool site i joined is Duolingo, which is a language learning website. its free and has a wide variety of languages to learn, plus more on the way. i’m currently working my way though german, since i already have a basic understanding of the language. the site is pretty cool! and like habitrpg it treats learning like a game which seems to be a great way for me to continue using a website for more than just two days..

ok! time to get dressed and head out.

Byte Sized November

i was only a few months old for my first ever thanksgiving so i have absolutely no memory of it. really looking back i don’t have much memory about thanksgivings at all. we always had them at my grandma’s house and we always ate the same thing. i remember that i always loved deviled eggs, still love them now. this is kind of a crummy start to blogember but i seriously don’t have more memories than that lol.

although i do not have memories from that first thanksgiving, i do have a photo.

from what i can tell of this photo, we did not have it at my grandma’s house. i think i am a year old here, so its not technically my very first thanksgiving but the first one i could eat at.

i’ll be honest, i have no idea why influenster picked me to be one of the reviewers for these dr. scholls insoles. i do not run, i do not do any sort of exercise that requires shoes, and i don’t even own a pair of athletic shoes. at least i know now that i don’t. when i first got the package i thought “hey chuck taylors are used in basketball, these should work right?” but no.. alas… i was wrong.

Dr. Scholls Insole (influenster review)Dr. Scholls Insole (influenster review)Dr. Scholls Insole (influenster review)

they are really nice insoles, lots of support, and some cushion. however i was sadly unable to properly review this item because my shoes just were not meant for this sort of thing. the instructions on the box say to remove your shoes’ original insoles, however there is no way to do that in a pair of chuck taylors (unless i want to completely destroy the shoes). i tried to wear the insoles in my shoes for a few days, but they were just not right. the insoles are bulky (which is why you have to remove your original insoles) and they made my shoes fit too tightly. i ended up with the backs of my heels rubbed against the heel of my shoe, as well as pinched pinky toes. not comfy.

this is not to say that i do not think these are great insoles, however i’m sad i was unable to actually use them! perhaps i need to purchase a real pair of athletic shoes in the future, but as a warning, i’d skip them if you don’t own a pair.


i woke up this morning to find that i had been nominated for a sunshine award by ally of Lazy Confessions. thank you so much :D i rarely ever get tagged for things like this and i do love them so much!

“The whole idea of the sunshine award is that you nominate 11 bloggers who put a little sunshine in your day, who are positive, creative and inspiring.”

The Rules

  • You have to post a picture of the Sunshine award in the blog post.
  • Post 11 random facts about yourself.
  • Answer the 11 questions from the blogger who nominated you.
  • Nominate 11 wonderful bloggers.
  • Write 11 questions for them to answer.
  • Also let the bloggers you nominated know you have nominated them.

unfortunately this meme will come to a dead stop on this blog because i have no idea what to ask question wise, and its 6am, so i don’t have enough brain to do that. plus ally nominated pretty much the same group i would have LOL

11 Random Facts About Me

  • my dad taught me how to code in basic on a vic20 when i was 6 or 7 years old
  • i’ve never tasted an alcoholic beverage
  • my shoulders are double jointed
  • i write in lower case letters on purpose, not because i am uneducated.
  • i was raised by atheist parents in a bible belt town
  • i used to be a model
  • i love disney movies
  • i live with my high school sweetheart
  • my son is named after vincent price
  • when i was a teenager i used to make websites on my hard drive. i had no access to the internet at home, only at school and i would steal code from pages i saved to floppy disks. this is how i learned html.
  • i am legally blind in my left eye.

11 Questions I Was Asked

    1. What was the name of your very first blog? Circus Horrificus
    2. What’s your natural hair color? dark brown with red highlights
    3. How did you meet your significant other? we were introduced by a mutual friend in 9th grade.
    4. What’s your favorite kind of junk food? croutons… don’t laugh.. i fucking love those things…
    5. What is the ringtone on your cell phone? i don’t own a cellphone D:
    6. What is your favorite movie? that is so damn hard to answer, my favourite movie changes every 30 minutes.
    7. Who are your top five favorite music artists? 1. marilyn manson 2. lady gaga 3. she wants revenge 4. jeff buckley 5. queen
    8. What is your favorite quote or song lyric? “its too bad stupidity isn’t painful” – anton lavey
    9. What is your favorite television show? LOST
    10. If you could go back to school (college/university) for anything in the world, what would it be? that’s a toss up between my dream job (cause i’d go to the tom savini school) and 3d graphics and design.
    11. What is your dream job? horror movie special effects and makeup person.

since i’m not tagging anyone specific. if you feel like you need an award? you just got tagged! but i have no questions for you because my brain wants to go back to sleep.

i’m exhausted!

ben started work last week and it has been a bit miserable around here. they put him on east coast, and we were happy for that because that usually means more home time. BUT since ben needs as much money as he can to deal with bill catch up they are pretty much slamming him with jobs. he’s barely had time to sleep, and as a result neither have i. vincent has not been doing well with the adjustment and has been having issues with naps and night sleep. he’s never been a good night sleeper, but usually he’ll go down and stay down about 9pm or 10 at the latest. but this last week its been awful. of course the worst nights are when ben is home but only has a few hours to sleep before leaving again. vincent decides that is the night he is going to scream because he likes to scream. nothing wrong with him, just happy and screaming. ugh… its a miracle ben got any sleep at all that night.

i’ve been trying to fix vincent’s sleep for a while now but its been an uphill battle. i’m finally starting to get it straightened out. hopefully this will work!

not much else to report lately. its lonely without ben around, but there’s less grumpy in the house. i know that’s mean to say. i am always so happy when he is home but he was sooo not happy to be unable to work. he’s much more manageable when he can go to work. i miss him though. grumpy and all.

halloween is in a couple of weeks and i am actually going to try and dress up this year. last year i was completely exhausted and had no ambition to dress up. i wore a skeleton shirt and ended up with a pair of pants that had a huge hole i the crotch so i had to throw on a pair of pants ben had in his truck for emergency overnight trips. mossy oak camo… so i was a skeleton with mossy oak camo pants.. ugh.. this year i am going to dress up if it kills me! this will be vincent’s first halloween where he can actually go trick or treating so i’m excited about that too (and all the candy i get to steal from him! woohoo!)

i have a review coming up for some shoe insoles i got via influenster. i’m not sure how the heck i should really review these, as i don’t run lol i guess i will have to go be active with them for a bit and report back!

when you are blogging about brands it is very important to know they reputable. how awful would it be to steer someone towards a brand with a review or ad that leaves your reader scammed or unsatisfied? you might even lose that person as a reader because they can’t trust what you are blogging about! when i am approached by a brand the first thing i do is check out their website. then if that seems legit, i google the brand to see what others have to say. then i might use twitter to ask blogger friends what they think of the brand.

when googling a brand, i try to find review sites who have already reviewed products or services by the brand, and if they have any comments from readers about it as well. usually you can gain a pretty good idea of a company by doing this sort of thing. with that knowledge i then decide if the brand is suitable for my audience, and if so, i blog it! so far i’ve not encountered any shady people, but i’m sure there are a few out there, which is why its very important to look into a brand before you blog it.

i’ve been in a slump. i blame the ever changing weather here. life has been a bit uneasy but we’re finally sailing into the clear. i’ve opened half a dozen blog challenges but have not found a single one that has anything i really want to write about.

ben got his glasses the other day and was able to ace the DOT physical. the contacts were a horrible idea, and he actually screamed in pain when they placed the lens in his right eye. we are looking into getting his money back. that’s 400 bucks we can’t just throw away right now. his job was re-instated a couple of days ago and he starts work again in the morning. it would have been today but they didn’t have anything for him. he’ll be doing east coast, which pays less, but gives him a lot more home time. poor guy has had 6 months to hang out with me and vincent and now he’s not looking forward to leaving us.

the day that ben went in for his contacts fitting, we decided to tag along. i needed a new charging cord for my nook and a pumpkin spice frappuccino. so we went to barns and noble which happens to be connected to a nice mall. i got my drink but not my cord. ended up having to go to a different store in a different town just to get one. the mall was boring, but vincent always enjoys a wander though shops, especially spencer’s gifts. we went across the street to a huge spirit halloween store where i ended up being humiliated and frightened by animatronic spiders. i rolled over a testing trigger with vincent’s stroller and screamed like a coward! all my years in the haunted house industry and i am still a wimp when it comes to crap jumping out at me. vincent was not phased by any of this, and looked at me like i was the lamest mom on the face of the planet. thanks son.

other than that day, its been pretty boring around here. i’ve been playing rift and poking at second life. reading a lot of stephen king, and trying to catch up on blogs because i’ve not been checking my feed reader.

so tell me what you’ve been up to?