Currently viewing the tag: "Second Life"

i guess my hobby would be second life. if you are not familiar with virtual worlds, this one is the biggie. its had plenty of bad press but i’ve been in there for about 7 years now and its one of my favourite things to waste time on.

so what’s the hobby part? i make content for the world! in second life anyone can create stuff if they have the skills to do so, and i have had a store in the world since 2007. i design clothing for avatars, as well as make up and roleplaying accessories. its an interesting hobby that has made me a little extra pocket money for items in the world as well as to cash out into real money. most notably was when my mother passed away i was able to cash out a large sum to help pay for her funeral costs.

if you ever venture in to second life feel free to look me up. i’m nimil blackflag in there :D

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i don’t really talk about my second life side of life on this blog much but i figured i would because i feel like this needs to be written down.

catfish, that tv show on mtv where they find internet relationship people and bring them together to face reality, is looking for people from second life for their second season. if you know me, you know that i spent almost 5 years in a relationship with someone i never got to meet face to face. we met on second life, and i tried really hard to meet him in person, even saved up over 1000$ to go to texas, where he said he lived, to see him. in the end we never even got to touch, and while my life now is better than i could ever hope for, there is a part of me that is bitter, and regretful, that i never got to meet him just once.

i have spent the last couple of years healing from that relationship. it was not a good thing. though i did love him, and i did feel real emotions for a person i’d only spoken to on the phone, or on the internet (something i never thought could happen), he was not good for me. the best decision of my life was to break up with him and move on.

i became a recluse after meeting him. our initial affair was an accident, i left the lifeless relationship i was in for promises of adventure and excitement, i spent the next 4 and a half years in hell. not all of it was his fault, obviously some of it was mine, and some of it was not even things either of us could control. i clung to him because i needed hope that somewhere out there was a light at the end of this dark tunnel i had been in for so long.

my father died, i begged him to see me. he complained of no money, i offered him the money i’d saved, he refused. i begged him to give me an address so i could fly there and meet him, he refused. there were too many refusals, too many excuses. i know something didn’t add up but i wanted to believe that if i just held on long enough, everything would be ok. i was accused of cheating several times. accused of being dishonest several times. i was dishonest, but for stupid reasons. i had to lie about where i was when i wanted to see friends. i had to lie about who i spoke to because he was jealous of everyone. i had to constantly prove to him that i wasn’t out doing something untoward. i stopped going out with people. i stopped having fun. i stopped smiling.i retreated to my room and hid on the internet because i was afraid if i didn’t, he would leave. i cried so much that the skin under my eyes became chapped. i contemplated suicide and even wrote about it here on my blog, a cry for help that he silenced as well. i privated the entry after he accused me of trying to embarrass him.

when my mother died, i had to move to another town with a family friend because we did not have the money to keep the power on at the trailer i’d lived in with my mom. there were jobs in this town and i could get a fresh start. even then lucas questioned me about where i was really going. i did really move in with a family friend, she and her husband took us in, i cared for her 5 year old autistic grand son and i helped out where i could. but that’s when ben came back into my life, and he made me see that there is more to life than sitting in front of a computer. i finally gained the strength to give up.

tyler durden said it best: “it is only after we have lost everything that we are free to do anything.”

i gave up a destructive life style for a happy one. and now i have everything i have ever wanted. the boy i fell in love with in high school is now a man who treats me with respect and care. i have a baby boy who is everything to me.

i got a happy ending from my tragic tale.

ben thinks i should write to the catfish people, so we can find lucas together. i think he knows that although i am happy, that somewhere deep inside i am still unable to bring closure to that time in my life, because i was never even able to meet lucas face to face. i have no intention to do this though. i already know what kind of person lucas is, and i don’t need to meet him to know the real him.

i do not regret the time i shared with him. everything happens for a reason. he brought me to the place i needed to be, and i am stronger for it. i hope somewhere out there, he finds his happy ending.

ugh october where have you gone?!?! it seems like just a day or so ago it had just started and now here it is the 17th!

mom brought a filter thing into my room to try and see if it would help my cough. it did for the first half of the day, and i was able to breath, but now its evening and i’m coughing like nothing changed. she’s going to get some other sort of mildew/mold catcher in here to see if that works better but if it doesn’t then its time for the dreaded doctor’s appointment… i haven’t been to a doctor since i got tonsilitis a long ass time ago. my mother hates them and doesn’t take me unless i’m dying.. i guess i’ll have to cough up a lung before she’ll take me this time but hopefully its just allergies and nothing serious!

in second life i’m still working my little pixel butt off and in the sims 2 i’ve made some progress with my legacy house. i still can’t seem to get interested in the sims 3, but my family there had a baby boy and he’s a toddler now :D there’s some pictures of my sims 3 family and of course my legacy there in the sims 2 link above.

i finally know what its really like to be burnt out. yeah i know i say i am burned out on videogames but i’ve never been burnt out creatively!

in second life i have so many projects going on at once, and i seriously think i may have taken on more than i can handle. i am doing my best to get though it all but sometimes i just feel like curling up and hiding from it all. very unprofessional of me i know.. bleh.

so for all of you who don’t know about second life stuff.. in there i am a content creator and a photographer. i make screenshots look pretty and i make stuff for people to wear and use in the virtual world. currently i have 2 big commission pieces, 2 gallery submissions, and on top of that, our halloween line for the store.

one of the commissions i had to do was a big deal. lots of logo work and signage and i even had to make tshirts! i finally got that done today and hopefully that will be off the to-do list. then is another commission for a store. i have one art piece being shown in a gallery on the 11th and 2 more galleries which open later this month that i still have to finish my submissions for. and one of those, i have to create multiple works, so lots of work there.

our halloween line is pretty sweet so far. i made day of the dead style face paint and 2 dresses. still more to do there but also there’s the annual LuNi halloween party that i need to figure out a design for (we build a huge set up and give away prizes and i dj… so its a big deal too!)

i don’t think i’ve been this busy in a long time X-x i just hope i can get it all done!

its one of my favourite months! but also my most busiest of months… i have a lot of work i need to do for second life this month so i’m going to have my nose to the grindstone. probably will be rambling some about those projects over on my second life blog.

its suddenly cold, which is the only thing i hate about this time of year. i prefer the days when its nice and warm but not blazing hot, and not cold. but we’re already chilly enough to need the heater on at night!

its only been 3 days and i already feel better about myself. on the 3rd i wrote about my goals and how i’m having trouble sticking to them. well here we are 3 days from then and i’m feeling great! i’ve been sticking to my routine, diet, and even exercising a little! i really hope that i can stick with things.

the people on spark people reminded me that its not failure to fall off the horse.. its failure when you refuse to get back on it. and i think that gave me a little boost of confidence i needed to keep trying, and to try a bit harder.

i’m sitting here rocking out to a great online radio station called distortion radio. they are doing a non-stop cover song weekend and the remakes are awesome so far! i’m also sitting here spying on the store in second life, watching people come in and grab our recent free gift. being a store owner in second life is interesting.. but also a bit stressful. this free hunt thing has been wracking my nerves.. but anyway i’ll write more about that in my second life blog.

i received my new video card no thanks to ups. the driver pulled up into our driveway and proceeded to tell me that he can’t find the box and that it may be on the wrong truck. i shot laser beams from my eyes and slammed the door shut. no.. nimil does not have patience or control over her emotions.

so anyway the dude leaves, but then comes back and i have my mother answer the door because if he has anything else to say about my package being late i will probably eat his face with my spinach salad. but to my happy surprise he handed my mother a large newegg box and gtfo of our driveway.

so the great installing began and that was easy enough. the sucker is huge! the fan gigantic but it all runs silently and fit in nicely without any wiggling. plugs were placed, power turned on and everything installed just fine. damn i forgot to plug in my speakers.. oh well no worry.. plugged them in and went along to test out the new shiny card.

card works well above my expectations. 14fps standing still in second life!!! i have never had that many fps before ever in second life! my usual max with the old video card was about 5fps. and i’m talking about being on ultra setting here (for those of you that don’t play SL, max graphics settings what ever..) ok so standing still did well, i moved, i turned, everything was WONDERFUL! my hair moved like hair! my skirt moved like a skirt! I COULD SEE FOREVER! anyway, gleeful yelping sounds emitted from my room, my parents breathed the sigh of relief, and i frolicked on sl for a bit.

when i decided i wanted music for my frolicking, we had a little bit of a problem. you see the card i got is all fancy and wants you to use it on an hd tv or something, but because i am poor, i just have a good old fashioned lcd monitor. well when i installed the 928734928635928874982347 drivers (i’m serious it took 20 minutes to install all the crap it wanted, including a trial of WoW LOLOLOL), it ATE my onboard sound card! ate it! the driver was deleted, the folder with the sound program in it was gone! i freaked, panicked, fearful googling commenced, some whiney kid mentioned he couldn’t get drivers to work blah blah blah, finally i found a nerd forum with the answer!

and the answer kids, is that when you install something like this, always go to bios…

bios is a scary world that i do not like to go into. its a very blue world where the gui reminds me of an old computer my dad used to let us play on as children. but anyway, i swallowed my fear, entered bios, and changed my onboard soundcard from “auto” to “enabled” and yay! sound! everything is wonderful!

and so now i’m going to go and spend hours playing videogames on high settings and finally finish some things i’ve needed to do since the beginning of this month!

the 16th was the 5th month anniversery of my and lucas’ meeting in a crater in second life :) unfortunately this time most of it was spent with me at work X_x.

i passed my first test of the training course, so yay to that. we were supposed to take phone calls today.. real live.. customer… phonecalls…

HOWEVER

we picked the deadest night ever and we only got 2 calls in our room the whole night :D i never even had to answer one! relief for me, since i totally sucked ass during our practice session earlier that day. i would have wrecked any real call that came my way.

anyway, not much to talk about, bored, and a bit sleepy.

oh before i forget. who ever is google searching “nimil lucas” and “lucas nimil”… i can see you on my tracker…

ugh need to take some time and write…

my new job is boring right now. 4 weeks of training on how to be a listener care representative. i have to learn to use the computer systems (easy shit), how to take calls and speak to customers, and how to try and sell them on new radios/packages before they end the call with me. so far we’ve covered the basics. info about the services we provide and we’ve played with the computer stuff. that stuff is easy. it’s just inserting information into the proper fields and hitting send *shrugs* not a big deal.

the taking calls part (which is the main part of the job…duh…) that’s the part that i’m curling up in a ball worrying about lol. computer junk is my strong point, while speaking to people on the phone is a major weak point. especially with the part about trying to up sell them on things. ugh. i’m hoping that i’ll gain some confidence in this training junk to be able to actually take these calls successfully but i guess time will tell.

and to be honest hopefully lucas will show up here before training ends and i can leave this area before i even have to bother with taking calls. *crosses fingers*

the call center is pretty cool though. there’s music playing from the xm radios on the floor, there’s a ton of people i went to school with there, and people that i’ve met though bobbie and other people. so i have potential friends and old acquaintances there to hang out with.

my time with lucas has been cut severely and we grasp at any time we can get with eachother. i speak to him every night and every morning on the phone (if we can, sometimes things come up of course). we talk until i have to go and i spend the day wishing i could go back home and cling to him. *grabby hands*

lately bobbie has been playing second life with me again which is awesome because it’s cool having your irl best friend there running around with you (even when she is just in the other room :p)

oh i don’t think i’ve mentioned this but if you are curious about my second life, you can check out the blog for that here. i have a bad habit of not updating it all the time but it’s there in case anyone is interested :p.

anyway off i go.

last night i found out a good friend of mine from second life died at the young age of 33 from a heart attack she suffered that morning. it’s a shock to all of us who were her friends. i’m not sure what to say about it really. i’m very sad and freaked by all this. i’ve been crying since yesterday. *sigh* anyway i just wanted to post something about this. even though i’m wordless really.